How to discover the strengths of the child in front of you
Children’s strengths are one of our important compasses: they guide us to help them develop their highest potential and guide us in proposing activities.
It is important for children to see and recognize each other’s “strengths,” the trump cards of their personalities, and that over time they themselves, in increasing awareness, can draw on them to be all-around successful in their lives.
A parent, or a teacher, who takes maximum account of his or her child’s strengths in the proposed daily activities will be able to create an environment of safety, naturalness and motivation, resulting in learning that will take place in joy and thus be truly effective.
Strengths: Keys for Motivation and Development
Strengths may hide behind aspects of character, but they often coincide with the child’s or young person’s talents and passions; that is why they also turn out to be magical keys to motivate them, engage them, or reactivate them when their energy gets weaker… Not only that, they can also serve as valuable tools to empower weak sides!
In short, compass and treasure at the same time!
That is why they need to get our attention early: we want to start with what naturally expands the child’s heart, what naturally makes his eyes and mind sparkle or every cell in his body jump with joy. We can see strengths as his greatest allies in discovering the world and growing, both in downhill and challenging moments.
Practical Methods for Identifying Children's Talents
So how to detect them?
Between the lines read above are some clues.
But let’s go exploring together.
Let’s enter the child’s world and observe him at a time when he is free to express himself, for that is where his strengths are most likely to surface.
What are the channels through which he expresses himself? What does he like to do? With whom or with what? What does he favor? What qualities does he manifest and what values are embodied in him?
Whenever a child is completely absorbed and focused in an activity, the activity itself and the quality it manifests are strengths; whenever a child is in joy, in lightness, in a smile… observe what he is doing, by whom or what he is surrounded, and there will be another response.
And if after observing, we take little by little steps toward him and try to enter his world, making ourselves available, at his level, what happens? If we enter as much as possible into attunement, an attunement of hearts and energy, what do we perceive?
In each interaction we can observe and unearth strengths…
Recognizing the Strengths Behind Difficult Behaviors
I hear dubious thoughts, and rightly so, because it is not always so easy and straightforward; in free moments anything can happen, from children’s quarrels to wild rides not always suitable for the environment or situation. Well, even here, we can catch a glimpse of what turned from the other side of the coin would be a great strength.
I bring you two concrete examples of situations that happened in a group of three- to five-year-olds at a summer camp run by EFL.
Example 1: Emotional Autonomy and Passions.
One morning Y., because of some disagreement that happened in the family, arrived in the hall sullen, to the point that she did not even want to enter: she remained in the doorway, sitting on the floor, alone, drawing and coloring for a long time. She began to loosen up and slowly enter the classroom, when her guide had a song she loved so much sung in the air.
Can you find two strengths of this child?
The music, probably; the drawing, certainly.
But you could also see how the solitude she had sought had served her well in processing and transforming her bad moods, with great ability to manage her emotions in complete autonomy and success! So here was another treasure for her: emotional maturity!
Example 2: The Movement as Ally
B., on the other hand, was an unstoppable child, constantly on the move, often without control or awareness. How to accompany him to greater awareness and engage him in activities? So much is enough of the mini description we have of him, to find a strength of his through which to achieve our goals: movement itself, the body! But we could also freely imagine and add nature (or try to test the situation): what would a child who loves to run and jump do in so much available space? He might both satisfy his need for movement and … perhaps, feeling fulfilled, appreciate the stability of a tree and the stillness of a meadow and … have thus taken a step toward greater awareness and expansion.
So what we want to do when unsuitable attitudes or behaviors emerge, in addition to trying to understand what unmet needs lie behind them, is to ask what strength, poorly disguised, is trying to express itself.
If, for example, we observe aggressive attitudes, turning the coin around we might see perhaps a great instinct for protection; in the case of competition, a great strength of will.
We don’t want to justify inappropriate behavior or pretend otherwise; rather we want to go to the essence of the child and help a process of expansive transformation of his or her being.
Conclusion: The Compass of Joy
The sea, in the depths, is always the same: whether it is very rough or completely flat, in essence it always carries with it Deep Calm.
So, ready sailors?
With strengths as our compass, let us sail by following the beacon of consciousness expansion, the light to which we want to strive to land in the land of ever-new Joy!
One step at a time, indeed, one rowing stroke at a time, with oars of confidence, on the ship of Learning, already singing the Joy within us.